I met Jane in 2003. She took part in the computer training program that we ran there as a first step to working out how best to deliver computer technology to the developing world. I have written and spoken about Jane on many other occasions – she has been an inspiration for so much that has happened since then – and she once again forms the basis of this story.
Jane now runs a small co-operative business venture bringing water into the slum area where she lives and which she sells onto the residents there. This business brings in about 2 euros a day which effectively doubles her income. The business employs another woman who is also HIV positive.
The money she has saved from this business has allowed her build a better toilet for her home and to buy things like mosquito nets for her family. It has also helped partly pay for her eldest son to attend secondary school. It never ceases to amaze me how efficient and effective Jane can be with the smallest amount of money.
We have become good friends so when I visit
Jane has a mobile phone which despite the enormous relative costs is now an essential item for anybody in the developing world. Through a couple of texts Jane and I arranged to meet at the hotel before I headed off the following day.
It was early evening time. I stood outside the hotel at the time we had arranged but there was no sign of Jane so I decided to ring her. I got through to her phone and asked where she was.
‘
‘Come and meet me at the hotel entrance’ I returned.
There was a pause.
‘Ok’ she said.
A few minutes late Jane appeared out of the crowd and started up the steps at the front of the hotel towards me. She had been watching the front of the hotel from across the road. She was dressed impeccably but was extremely nervous and shy.
‘Let’s grab a coffee from the café in the Hotel?’ I suggested.
She looked at me aghast.
‘I cannot go in there’ she said her eyes indicating the hotel entrance.
‘Why not?’ I asked perplexed.
‘I have never been in a hotel in my life. They are not places for people like me…’
Coffee cost about a euro per cup in this hotel. I suddenly realised what I had done by asking her into the Café.
Perhaps I should have asked her to suggest somewhere else to meet but I did not. On this occasion I made the decision to insist she come inside with me, that it was my treat and so on. Its hard to know was it the right thing to do. Was this exposing her to a lifestyle she would never actually have? Or was it a simple treat that she would enjoy and remember for a few days – a momentary calm and respite in the storm.
She took my hand and we walked across the threshold of the hotel entrance together.
The
We went into the Café and I asked her what she would like to eat and drink. To help her I suggested various combinations of coffee, biscuits, pies, sandwiches etc.
She thought for a second.
‘Could I get a glass of fresh milk?’ she asked.
‘Why milk?’ I asked.
‘I have just come from the hospital from a check up. My doctor says I am run down and that it’s not good to be this way when taking the ARV’s. He recommended drinking milk’ she answered.
I was amazed that she would be this disciplined. Were the positions reversed with me standing in Browns restaurant on Stephens Green with the offer of whatever I wanted available to me, would I be able to stick to a green salad?
‘You can have whatever you want.’ I replied.
She looked at the food on display and picked out a pie. When she was asked by the attendant did she want it heated she looked at me for help. I nodded and she did the same. I told the attendant to make that two warm pies.
‘Can I get some food for my children?’ she asked.
I looked at her amazed. Here was an extraordinary woman, a saint in my eyes, who struggled every day to survive and yet when a moment came where she could treat herself she was still thinking of helping her children. She humbled me. That this amazing woman felt unable to cross the threshold of the hotel, metaphorical barriers that wealth has put up to protect itself, was appalling.
And so it was that we sat together eating warm pies, Jane drinking milk, me drinking tea, with a round of sandwiches for her children in a white plastic bag on the table. We sat there for about an hour chatting about life. She told me the extent of her life’s ambition given her circumstances.
‘I am unable to have any more children’ she said.
‘If I can manage to get all my children through secondary school I will be happy with life’
I was stuck for words. What do you say in a moment like this? I could utter the usual platitudes that life was worth living, that there was more to life than raising children, that life was there to be enjoyed etc but it felt utterly empty and meaningless here. Here was a woman who was HIV positive because her husband had slept around, who was stigmatised accordingly because of the disease, who was living in abject poverty with three children one also HIV positive but who had found the will, the strength and the courage to battle on and support her family. There was nothing more to say. I just bowed my head.
When Jane left I went up to my room to think. Something important had just happened and it has taken me till now to identify what that was.
Jane had crossed the threshold of the hotel only when I had encouraged her. She would not have done that without my encouragement. However, once she had crossed over, a wonderful rich human exchange had happened between us. Most importantly she had, without knowing it, made me feel truly human. That’s the best way I can describe how it felt.
This kind of connection does not happen very often in life. It is very rare for people from the opposite sides of the opportunity divide to meet face to face. And yet something wonderful inevitably seems to happen when those connections are made.
It would seem though that those of us on the opportunity side need to proactively nurture those connections. They will not happen easily without our active conscious involvement. In fact they may not happen at all and the divides can also grow…
In the western society of abundance, human connections between those that have and those that have do not happen. In fact these connections are discouraged as a focus on individual gain becomes the most important goal. Without the perspective these connections bring, those that have can become more selfish and insular whilst those that have not can feel despair and alienation.
It has always struck me that the wealthier we become the higher we build the walls around our houses.
In developing world societies where resources are scarce the human connections are nurtured out of necessity but in doing so powerful positive human qualities are nurtured and prevail. Social fabric in these societies is amazingly strong. People really do look after one another and it seems completely wrong that a society lose this dimension in the pursuit of wealth.
It starts though with every individual. How often do we actually cross these kinds of thresholds in our lives? How often do we actually pro-actively go out and meet somebody less fortunate than ourselves?
It seems really important that these kinds of connections across opportunity are made and even encouraged. In particular it would seem to be really important to create links between the most and least advantaged. Volunteering suddenly seems like something everyone should do no matter what their position in life might be?
We will always have excuses not to engage though….
These kinds of connections, these meeting of the waters can be extremely troublesome and even upsetting at times. They can appear risky, challenging and possibly even uncomfortable.
Human beings though are not designed to be safe and secure and insular.
Ships are safe in a harbour but that’s not what ships were built for…
