Ten days ago I arrived back in Kenya. This has been the first opportunity since then to write about the experience so far. A lot has been going on....
To begin with I must admit, that part of the reason I have written nothing down is because the blog entry before this is a difficult one to follow. 2009 has been a difficult year for me and for many great people that I know. Stuart Mangan's passing affected me deeply (and still does) and the Camara volunteer Robert Stringer, who was killed on Zanzibar in August shook me to the core. There were other things as well but this is not an appropriate forum to discuss them.
I needed to come out here for a couple of reasons. Firstly and most importantly, it is really important that I take a break and take some time to work out where I am going. My career and income means are on a knife edge right now and with this recession looking like its here to stay I face a difficult time financially over the next few months. I need time in a different environment to work out how to manage this period.
Secondly, Roberts death raised an extremely challenging question in my mind:
Is Camara worth it?
I have had many conversations with people since his tragic passing - all reassuringly positive encouraging me and the organisation to continue with its work - but niggling doubts linger within me. When you are intimately involved in something like Camara, I imagine these lingering doubts are not unusual. Nonetheless they trouble me and I want to address them head on.
So coming out to Kenya is also a way to really test my resolve and my belief in what we are doing. I hope to answer the above question once and for all by the time I get back to Ireland early January. I need the question answered because it will help with my decision making for the future.
The next couple of entries will begin that process.
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